Two abbreviated examples from my own life (which will make me seem like a jerk) have been on my mind as of late. A friend of mine that I grew up with became paralyzed from the waist down when we were in college. He dove into a river to catch a football and in one instant his life was changed forever. There was a stump just underneath the murky water that snapped a vertebrae. He was very athletic and was going to school to become a coach. We were all at the hospital the night it happened. He was in good spirits when I visited him and I remember having the guts to hold his hand. He started throwing up uncontrollably and we were asked to leave the room. Myself, and other friends and family, stayed in the waiting room for a few hours and then went home. I'm sad to say that we haven't kept in touch much since. I see him every now and then. It seems that he is usually around a set of friends that are also in wheelchairs. I'm sure it's helpful for them to be together but I also know that it's because of people like me.
Probably, not many of them hang around their old friends as much either. People move on, not just because of the awkwardness and sadness, but because it's the way of the world. We should be closer to someone when they need people more - shouldn't that be the case? Why do we grow farther apart from people that need people the most? And who am I to say he's sad all the time because he's in a wheelchair? In my absence he might be happier than I am? So, why the avoidance? This is where the church has it right. They take care of other members (they might no even get along with) any time they see there is a need. You don't see this too much in secular society. It's there, but statistically, it's not as prevalent on a personal level.
I've made plans with him on two or three occasions for lunch that fell through because of my job or some other lame excuse. He is a much better man than I will ever be. I broke my leg a few years ago and was a nightmare to live with. Not a day goes by when I get on my treadmill at home and don't think about him and how he would love to be doing something that I dread. It also makes me think of how quickly things can change. This could be the last time that I'm able to walk on a treadmill or at all. Who knows when that simple accident can break just the right bone to end to my mobility?
The second example happened just the other day and it made me realize how ridiculous I can be about this socially anxious crap that I put myself through. A younger guy called my office (probably early twenties) looking for a job. I get these kind of calls pretty regularly, usually asking if they should apply online or come in to fill out an application. This guy broke my heart. He had a stutter and speech impediment which made him very hard to understand. I had a friend when I was younger that stuttered but if you waited long enough you could clearly hear what he wanted to get out. This was worse. When this potential applicant would finally get the words out some were still slurred a bit so I would have to ask him to repeat himself. I found myself (at first) finishing sentences for him out of pity, but then came to my senses and put myself in his position. Would I want someone to finish my sentences? Probably not. When I'm calling for a job I would want to seem capable in every way that I could. It's one thing when your wife finishes your sentences, but it is another when your potential boss does.
This made me realize that all of the anxious thoughts that go through my head before business calls, meetings, and sales calls that I make throughout the week must seem like child's play to this guy. How much gumption did he have to muster before making that call to my office while I'm sitting here saying 'woe is me'? He would probably love to be in my situation instead. Or, maybe I'm selling the poor guy short. Maybe he isn't as socially anxious as I am. Maybe he's the life of the party and I'm just assuming that he's going through hell when he has to do stuff like that because of my own distorted perception and mental prison I've put myself in.
I've just got to remind myself of what other people go through and stop acting like the world revolves around me. My bosses son or daughter might be in the hospital when he calls me and complains about something I did or didn't do. That waitress who seems moody might have just left a table full of rude people and why add to it by being upset with her? Not saying there aren't just some plain jerks in the world that deserve a firm 'no' or a telling off. Those of us who are socially anxious tend to be overly sensitive and nice to people that don't deserve it but it's always better to take a moment and think about what else could possibly be going on inside that persons head or in their life that is causing them to act abnormal or unfriendly.
If you do get that rude waitress or your boss is upset with you, remind yourself how petty this is compared to what some people are going through. Just the fact that you can read this blog post makes you richer than three-fourths of the world's population.When you are upset because the Netflix app isn't working on your iPad or you need to do your 30 minutes on the treadmill after you've been at work all day because of a New Year's resolution, it's always good to remember that there is someone out there that would kill to be in your position. If by chance, and it can happen to any of us, we lose everything (including the function of body parts or a loved one dies) we must remember no matter how much it hurts and how hard it is to deal with, there is still another person out there going through worse.
This is very hard to get a grasp on in our day and age when all we see in the media are people who have it "better" than us. There are tons of reality shows that revolve around rich people and the houses they have, the cars they drive, their toned bodies, and the relationships they have. We think their lives are so great but we forget we are living a pretty good life too. The tough times that you've gone through that they haven't even make you better in some ways. Do you really want to be like them anyway? You never hear them talking about those that are less fortunate and from what I can tell none of them are very well read. In fact, to make their show more interesting and add "drama", they are usually complaining about something ridiculous.
My daughters were watching Keeping up with the Kardashians the other evening and one of the sisters (don't know which is which) was complaining because she had gone to a boring party where she just stood around (and then drove home in her top-of-the-line Range Rover). What hell this poor girl has to go through huh? I'm sure some distressed mother in a children's hospital flipping through channels while her child with cancer in the hospital bed next to her is sleeping, IV tubes sticking out of her, was really saddened by what Khloe (or whoever) had to go through.
So instead of thinking about the things in life that we don't have; we need to focus on the good things while they last because nothing last, not even for the rich people on reality TV. Be thankful because it can always be worse. No one knows how good they have it until they contemplate what suffering some in this life must go through. This isn't to say that we should stay in a state of depression about all the bleakness in the world like a Goth in an eighties movie, but to be in a state of thankfulness.
One of the happiest guys I know does relief work. You'd think it would be depressing stuff, but it causes him to appreciate what he does have and also help those in need. He said it was the best job he's ever had. Just giving an ear to someone in need for them to tell their story is (in a sense) relief work. There is something each of us can do any day of the week to help others. Just be a good person and you will see the impact you'll have on others. Be thankful, be gracious, don't be self-consumed, and remember those less fortunate. This is something that will help all of us (in some way) who suffer from depression or anxiety.
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