I haven't read the book, but I find it very strange that we are currently celebrating the best-selling novel and soon to be movie "50 Shades of Grey" which contains violent sex, while at the same time we have football players saying 'no more' when it comes to violence against women. I'm assuming it is consensual in the book, but considering the mindset of the modern male and the growing number of them already in the hooks of porn addiction, should we really add something to our culture that makes this type of behavior not just acceptable, but fashionable? Having millions of women anxiously awaiting the premier of a movie about a handsome millionaire who's into violent sex might send the wrong message to that weird accountant who has a girlfriend who's too afraid to tell him 'no' when he talks about doing what they saw in the movie or read in the book. So, we have what appears to be consensual sex, but in her mind it isn't consensual at all. He's used the popularity of "50 Shades..." to make her feel as if it isn't that big of a deal. Sorry, but raising a daughter in a culture where so many men see women as objects is scary enough without women, themselves, making this "acceptable" in some way.
On the other hand, it usually doesn't work both ways. Remember all of the women in their 40's being Team Jacob or Team Edward during the Twilight craze? I doubt that would have worked with a bunch of forty-year-old men holding signs outside of movie theaters proclaiming their love of one teenage girl over another.
Still, are we not to think that the popularity of "50 Shades" is going to make some very strange men think - "if they like the book so much, then they must like the content"? In other words, these sickos will think that violent sex is now ok because it has made it to the mainstream and the main character Christian Grey is cool...right? I'm not saying it will cause an increase in rape, but perhaps there will be men out there who will think this is acceptable to all women just because they made a book popular? Please let me know if I'm speaking out of turn here. Being a guy I've never read the book, so for all I know he turns out to be the bad guy in the end. It just seems like male lead is being glorified for his perversions (from what I've seen so far). Sadomasochism isn't necessarily anger as much as it is fetishistic behavior, but there are some angry people out there that can use it as an outlet for their rage. Just to reiterate, my fear is that it will be expected - just like so many men now expect their girlfriends and wives to act like unnatural porn stars in the bedroom.
In my post Nicotine Withdrawal - Day 2I mentioned how "I will be glad when this crap is over" when writing about how I was feeling without nicotine at that point. Trying my best not to sound like someone in an AA meeting, but failing - I've now gone 37 days without any tobacco products and I'm finally over the hump. I rarely feel that need I was feeling in the beginning. I know that I've got to be careful. My dad likes to smoke a cigar on Thanksgiving and here we are, already close. No matter how tempting I must refrain, because with nicotine I'd be off the bandwagon with just the one cigar.
So, if it gives anyone hope - it really does get better. Let's compare this feeling I'm having now without any withdrawal to what I said a little over a month ago on 10/17/14 -
After lunch today I felt like something was missing and it made me a little sad when I realized it was the nicotine,because it's not like a piece of gum or mint will ever give that same satisfaction. The people that tell you to buy a lot of gum and hard candy really don't know what it's like to be addicted to nicotine. Those are the people that must have smoked 5 or 6 cigarettes a day. "Oh yeah, chew on this piece of gum and you won't be pissed at the world anymore," they say. Now, I have a jaw that is sore from chewing gum on top of being pissed at the world.
Sugar has been on the usual suspects shortlist for a variety of illnesses lately and is now being blamed for some of the mental health issues that we're facing in the West. Secondary effects of too much sugar and processed food consumption can cause depression and anxiety due to the weight gain and sedentary feelings they may cause but is there a direct relation between sugar and anxiety?
Notice, I'm not going to be talking about many of the other problems that have been grouped with sugar consumption like confusion, sadness, inability to focus etc. I'm going to focus on anxiety and see where we stand with sugar consumption and its relation to anxiety by looking at the research that is currently out there.
There is a lot of research which shows that sugar and junk food has led us down a path of swollen bodies and unhealthy attitudes. Don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting that a healthy diet is the answer to all of our problems. I would, however, like to see a study done on the percentage of people who have an unhealthy diet and are overweight compared to people who eat very healthy diets and are in good shape and see what the gap is between the two groups on how much psychotherapy and pharmaceuticals that each is taking. I'm willing to bet that the more healthy group is way less medicated. I'm willing to also bet that people who have addictive personalities are much more likely to have unhealthy diets and have emotional eating issues. And when is the last time you at a tomato when you were depressed? Aren't you more likely to eat a pint of ice cream, which just continues the addiction to sugar? To only add to the confusion, you also have a "chicken or the egg" situation as stated in The Psychiatric Times -
"However, since the advent of the atypical antipsychotics, obesity has become more prevalent." - link
If you've been keeping up with this blog at all you'll notice that I've been keeping a scattered journal on my recent separation from nicotine. It's been a hard road and considering that it's an oral fixation that I've grown accustomed to for many years I've been apt to use this as an excuse to have a tootsie roll pop (or any other sugary candy that you can think of) anytime I have the urge for a tobacco product. As of today, it's been 29 days so maybe it's helped. I have pretty much gotten over the need for nicotine, which is probably why I'm moving on to this subject of diet and relating it to my mental health issues. Can a proper diet with moderate exercise cure me of my anxiety and make my small doses of Xanax unnecessary? This is the next step on my journey. The next frontier that I will have to undertake in order to become so healthy that I'm afraid to die again.
Renowned neurologist David Perlmutter, MD, blows the lid off a topic that’s been buried in medical literature for far too long: carbs are destroying your brain. And not just unhealthy carbs, but even healthy ones like whole grains can cause dementia, ADHD, anxiety, chronic headaches, depression, and much more. LINK
Looking at his site and video interviews, the main claim tends to be that following his suggested diet will greatly lower your chance of getting Alzheimer's and a reduce in brain fog, depression, ADHD etc. I'm not seeing much on anxiety besides a few articles. Maybe the book goes into more detail about anxiety specifically. These are the kinds of studies I'm looking for. Perlmutter's diet does seem to help people though. One man claims to have seen a 50% decline in his anxiety after reading Grain Brain, taking the suggested supplements, and exercising.
The Calm Clinic had the below to say about sugar and anxiety...
Contrary to what you read online, sugar does not cause anxiety. Anxiety is a mental health issue, and it's very uncommon for a person's diet to "cause" anxiety. What sugar does do is create changes in your body that may make your anxiety symptoms worse, or cause feelings that trigger anxiety attacks.
And then they egg you on to take this 7 minute anxiety test, so while what they're saying in the article is probably true there may be a $68 ulterior motive to why you can't fix your anxiety with diet alone. The $68 may be worth it but I'm sticking to diet on this post.
In the next article written by Dr. David Sack we read that...
"sugar consumption to an increased risk of depression and worse outcomes in individuals with schizophrenia" and " Interestingly, countries with high sugar intake also have a high rate of depression."
But what about anxiety? Well, he goes on to say that..
"The Standard American Diet, which is full of sugar and fat, does not necessarily cause anxiety but it does appear to worsen anxiety symptoms and impair the body’s ability to cope with stress." and "In a 2008 study, rats that binged on sugar and then fasted displayed anxiety, and in a 2009 study rats fed sucrose compared to high-antioxidant honey were more likely to suffer anxiety. While dietary changes alone cannot cure anxiety, they can minimize symptoms, boost energy and improve the body’s ability to cope with stress."
So I'm starting to see a theme as I study the correlation between anxiety and sugar. Yes, it does have an effect but it seems to lean more towards the symptoms than it does the cause. We've seen the 50% reduction from following Dr. Perlmutter's recommended diet, the Calm Clinic saying that "anxiety is a mental health issue" and not so much a dietary issue, while they admit sugar can make symptoms worse as does Dr. Sack in his article.
Does anyone say that reducing or removing sugar from your diet can cure you from having those overly intense feelings that are not common in the normal population, the intense feelings you get with social anxiety, when in certain situations, or with OCD? From what research I've done on other people's research - Sadly no. Although it seems to help some people I don't see where diet has cured anyone in the anxiety arena. Can losing weight and feeling healthier help you with your social anxiety? Of course it can, but cure it? Maybe not. Even if you're lucky and diet takes care of 80% of your problems with anxiety, there is a percentage that has to do with our perceptions and facing our difficulties etc.
But let me veer in a direction that I didn't even see this article going...
There is an interview here with Bill Brenner about his addiction to sugar that shows how much a downward spiral unhealthy food can be. It's very easy for me to say that I'm going to change my diet to help with my anxiety, but what is it that has caused my poor eating habits? More often than not, it's my anxiety, or in the case of Brenner, his OCD. Like I mentioned earlier, most of us who are emotional eaters are not binge eating celery while we listen to that song from Inception while crying.
"The OCD is the main problem. It triggers my addictive behavior and the flour and sugar is what I would lunge for." LINK
What changed after you stopped binge eating?
"My head cleared in dramatic ways. I stopped having anxiety attacks. I dropped 65 pounds on the spot and have kept it off for more than two years. It made my OCD much easier to manage."
Once again, we're back to symptoms and managing the mental health issues but doesn't the quote above sound a lot better than not addressing diet at all? So maybe sugar isn't the cause of anxiety disorders, but it's not helping anyone either. Let's take in the fact that not one study or article (at least none that I could find) said that sugar or junk food of any kind was good for you either physically or mentally. So while Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream taste and feels good at the time, there is always the "you play, you pay" rule in food - whether it's our waistlines, our moods, or our slipping back into addictive eating after splurging for one evening. When we've splurged on junk food to the point of being emotional vulnerable or numb to the world we've lost the battle (at least temporarily). I think that most of us are going for that numb part and the anxiety comes from the lack of having that refined sugar hitlike you would any other drug. So you eat more of it and it helps in the short term.
The plan for myself goes as follows - started the Paleo diet as of yesterday and so far it's been okay. I'm probably overdoing it on the meat right now but I'll reign that in. I'm about to go to the grocery store to stock up on more vegetables and some lean meat, maybe some fruits also. It's got to be better than all of the ice cream I've been eating. I'll let you know how it goes. Hopefully I will see gains physically and mentally, and will be able to describe it well enough to let help someone else, whether it's Paleo, vegetarian, whatever eventually works.
I've actually made it to day 12. It's been a journey full of scattered thoughts, mood swings, and binge eating until I can't feel my legs - but it's getting better. Right now, I have no desire for nicotine. Oops, spoke too soon, there it is.
Really, my cravings are becoming less frequent. There are certain things that seem to set off the need for tobacco that I've discussed before. I could have used a huge cigar at the end of the Saints' game last weekend. If they could win a game then my Sundays would be a little more sunshine and less the Morrissey version of "silent and grey." I'm not much of a Sunday person anyway, so the Saint's losing the game in the last 3 minutes only made it more depressing. Why I'm upset because some millionaires lost a game is beyond me.
I still get that flush of dopamine every now and again when I think about smoking. They say it gets released when you're expecting a reward, whether the reward actually comes or not. Problem is, I'm unable to fulfill the expectation so I look to other things like food and drink. My time on the treadmill has gone up a little (probably due to the need to burn off some stress) but I'm sure I'm making up for it in calories. I had two beers last night, plus a lot of appetizers at the restaurant we went to. No real food that I can think of in the last few days. That will have to be the next step once I'm over this hump - getting my diet back on track. If I don't reign this in I will end up on the news, being fork-lifted out of my house while my moo moo flaps in the wind.
I've learned that knowing something is bad for you doesn't mean that you will make a change. The thoughts about something being bad for you have to align with your emotions in order for you to quit a bad habit or start a good one. That's why most of the time, when life changes are made, it's because of an emotion like fear. You're much more likely to have a clean diet if your doctor tells you that you're borderline diabetic and you're more apt to quit smoking if you're told that you have spots on your lungs. Sad but true. Maybe I'm lucky that it didn't take a scare to make me quit nicotine? There was some other emotion that lined up with the intellectual part of me knowing it was bad for me, even though I can't really put my finger on it I'm sure a small part of it was fear. Next step will be to get my diet back under control instead of using quitting smoking as the excuse. Guess it will take lining the intellectual and the emotional up again. Now back to listening to Viva Hate because what's a better answer to any problem than knowing it's all going to end one way or another - "Armageddon, come Armageddon."
Believe it or not, there was a time in the nineties when Pauly Shore saying "hey buuuuddy" or "chilling with the wease" was actually funny. This was until everyone finally got sick of it and it lost its magic. There was also a time when Wayne's World and their mullets had taken the box office by storm until people had seen every angle to the humor and it too...lost it's magic. When people are ready to revisit these movies in twenty years, we will maybe have a few laughs once again. This is the way of the world, nothing last forever. If humor and interest didn't have an ebb and flow, Jerry Lewis movies would have their own 24 hour channel and our taste would never evolve. So my question is...when is the newness, hipness, or repetitive humor of smoking weed ever going to finally take a rest? When will it not be a mandatory scene in every film to have the main characters smoke weed with rap playing in the background (that makes it ironic) while talking about who the best Batman was or who was the hottest out of Betty and Wilma on the Flintstones?
Apatow - I'm afraid you have the most pull so it's got to start with you. I know that this is not an actor playing certain characters like an Austin Powers where you can just stop making Austin Powers movies when you see that people have had their fill. It's just scenes in otherwise mostly decent films, but many filmmakers are now making entire movies out of this subject with no heart or humor involved. They figure if they put someone smoking weed on the DVD cover with some reference to weed in the title that they'll have an instant hit. Sad thing is, the groupthink actually has taken hold enough for these films to do pretty well no matter how bad they are. Some filmmakers will continue to make movies about smoking weed and going for the cheap laughs, but maybe if the big names in the industry stop, then the Benson's of the world will eventually stop and then the "serious" docs will finally give it a rest for a while. I thought the scene from Transformers 2 (mom with pot brownies) would finally put an end to the madness but I guess some people still think it's hilarious.
I don't have enough interest in the subject of marijuana to watch any documentaries on the subject. I have no stance on whether it should be completely legal or not because I think that the verdict is still out on a lot of the issues that surround smoking pot in general. I do lean more toward the libertarian side of not caring what someone does in their own home as long as it's not hurting anyone else. Stoners, ALL that I'm asking is PLEASE stop flooding my Netflix Watch Instantly queue with movies about Marijuana. New Releases - Recently Added - Comedies - TV Shows - Documentaries - even Romance. There are documentaries and TV shows that try to take a serious look at its legalization (it seems like they are going to make a documentary for each state as they legalize it) and there is literally a ton of wasted time and money on stoner comedies. Growing up, we had Cheech and Chong - those movies had some humor but they weren't comedy gold that need to be imitated for generations.
People are so brainwashed into relating smoking pot with being hip and funny that all you have to do to have a mediocre stand up show in Anytown, California is stand there with your eyes half closed, a mike in your hand, and slowly say, "I smoke pot." You will get cheers and applause that will carry you through the rest of your lame show where you continue to beat on this same freaking drum until the next "cool" comedian comes on stage and talks about how much pot he smokes. You know, being that most people have enough on their plate besides caring if stoners will be able to smoke legally or not I don't see why this subject hasn't been dropped already. "Ebola, Isis and another story today from Denver about the rise in homelessness and its possible links with the growing use in marijuana." Here we go, more tax money to more people who can't hold down a job. Great, thanks mass media for making something so lame seem soooo hip.
I'm just done with it. Some marijuana users act like it's something that's actually healthy for them - because it's of the earth? Every drug is of the earth! Cocaine from the Cocoa plant, heroin from the poppy seed, nicotine from tobacco. Smoking marijuana is still bad for you no matter what kind of spin you put on it and there are side effects in all it's forms that effect different people in different ways - so saying it's completely safe is ridiculous. Maybe, and I'm not sure about this because it sure does seem to be abused, there isn't so much of an addictive quality to THC as there is with alchohol, tobacco , and other drugs. I'm no expert, but I'm sure the more people use the more we will find out , and I'm betting it won't be all sunshine and uncontrollable laughter while you still somehow manage to hold down your 6 figure job like they do in the movies.
What's the last Seth Rogen movie made where he wasn't smoking weed? And people still laugh every time! I stopped laughing when Wile E Coyote fell of that cliff, uuuh...probably the 5th time I saw it, and I was ten! What is going on? I can see some humor in it every now and then but it is NOT as COOL or FUNNY as these people think it is. Do it all you want but please stop using it for a cheap laugh because yeah, the 15 year olds in the theater might giggle but the rest of us (who aren't laughing loudly to be cool) have seen it all before and the charm has worn off. And if you're doing it so the stoners in the audience will laugh, they are already too busy laughing about the way their straw sounds in their cup so why even try?
I now know why many of the great writers smoked. There is a creative kick that comes from nicotine that I really do miss. I guess I started young enough to not realize this effect, but now that it's gone I notice it big time. I hope that is a feeling that I haven't lost...
I still have a good amount of brain fog. Not as tired anymore, but just as grouchy. Last night was the hardest night yet. I truly don't know how I made it through. I miss that clear headed feeling (hard to describe) that I get from nicotine, after a meal especially. It really sucks to not have that little reward system. Sometimes when I'm done with a project or chore, I crave that hit just as bad as after a meal. There is this feeling in my head that something is clogged and if only I'd give it nicotine, it would open everything up (mentally). But, I know that this will eventually go away.
Too bad that there are such horrible side effects with tobacco use because I would be smoking like a chimney. After lunch today I felt like something was missing and it made me a little sad when I realized it was the nicotine, because it's not like a piece of gum or mint will ever give that same satisfaction. The people that tell you to buy a lot of gum and hard candy really don't know what it's like to be addicted to nicotine. Those are the people that must have smoked 5 or 6 cigarettes a day. "Oh yeah, chew on this piece of gum and you won't be pissed at the world anymore," they say. Now, I have a jaw that is sore from chewing gum on top of being pissed at the world.
So tired...Would still love to have some nicotine to break through this chemical barrier in my head. Have a few people to apologize to but I will wait until this is all over and just get it all done at once. I am less anxious than I thought - just crave the hit. Hardly anyone knows I'm doing this. I don't need the pressure and the early congrats can be a little degrading (or seem so at least). Everyone gets to tell you how disgusting they think your habit is before you are even done getting over it. At this point, they may still have to deal with it so I don't need to hear their future disappointment.
Yesterday wasn't too bad, but today I will take nicotine in just about any form available - cigarette, chewing tobacco, gum, tea, vapor - whatever. I might end up like Michael Douglas in Falling Down where I just park my car on the side of the rode and lose my mind by the time this is over. This morning, I woke up mad at the world and a little more anxious than I expected to be. I stopped at a convenient store on the way to work and everything just ticked me off. Someone had the nerve to walk right in front of me in the parking lot and while I was checking out, the guy in line behind me was talking real loud to the cashier like anyone gives a crap about what he has to say! Wait until it's your turn, you loudmouth.
I'm kind of going back and forth between being pissed at the world and being in a complete brain fog where everything seems petty. I did read that nicotine has the tendency to make things into a bigger deal than they are, which probably explains some of this haze I'm in and the not giving a crap about certain stuff that would normally bother me. Of course, there's some stuff that I usually don't get upset about that's making me ridiculously ticked off. Maybe I shouldn't drive for a few days?
Someone I talk to daily (on the phone at work) said I didn't sound like myself - they thought it was probably the job getting to me. Well, the job isn't helping and I probably grumble more than I should but it's mainly the nicotine withdrawal this time. The next two days were supposed to be very busy and I really didn't know how I was going to handle it but God took care of it (yes, I believe that more everyday). Those appointments were cancelled until later in the month, so my week is looking a little better (like I might make it). There are just too many coincidences that help me through that I can't chalk up to pure chance anymore. After reading this the other day, I've learned to just keep praying and things will work out for the best.
Sometimes, I kind of like this feeling because it can be numbing in a good way. There really is a fogginess and I can almost feel how it would lift with one hit of nicotine. I can almost feel the effects just by thinking about it. I know that this happens with a lot of substance abuse. The person that is addicted can sometimes get hints of the upcoming high before they even have the drug in their possession. I know it'll eventually pass though (one hour at a time) and getting past this addiction will be something I've needed to do for quite a while.
What's really dumb is that I was completely over this addiction about 2 years ago until I bummed a cigarette off of a co-worker (after months of not even a craving). After a few days of bumming here and there, I wound up starting back at square one. I'm fighting against my bodies normal routine of getting it's normal fix and right now it's freaking my mind and body out. I just have to make sure I don't let any other addictions take it's place. I have already noticed that I'm eating a little more than normal. At the store I was looking on the shelf for something that had had the look of tobacco (very strange). I guess beef jerky would have been close or maybe some sun flower seeds that tasted like a mix of salt and dirt shoveled up in Kentucky?
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I feel like I'm missing some of my creativity - not sure what parts of the brain nicotine lights up as far as that goes. I have also had to proofread almost every sentence about 5 times. I will be glad when this crap is over.
If you'll notice, usually what people talk about the most is what they're most concerned or proud about. Most of what people think, talk, and write about is what's on the forefront of their minds. Likewise, when someone reads a quote or hears a talk that has an impact on them, it's because it's something that was on their mind. When people consider ways to improve themselves or their situations, they usually study up on what is bothering them the most or something that they need to work on. It is usually through struggle that people tend to search for answers. It is usually in a time of crisis that we find the strength to put what we've learned to the test and start to look for meaning through spiritual methods such as prayer.
This does make me wonder. Did Marcus write his meditations to overcome his weaknesses? Did he stray from his own wisdom often? Did those close to him see a different side of him, a part that did not follow his own advice? I would imagine so. Why else would he need to re-motivate himself. So often, we know what we should do and yet we don’t do it. This is when we fall from virtue. If I were perfect, I doubt I would need to write about how to strive for perfection. heroicstoic
Knowing what we should do and doing it can be challenging. We should cultivate good eating habits now to avoid health problems down the road, but many of us will not change our diets until we actually have a health issue that is the result of a poor diet. The same can be said for smokers that don't decide to quit until it's effected their health. It's part of our nature to go along doing what feels good and what deadens the bad feelings that we have now, avoiding changes that hurt in the short term but will make us happier in the long term. We can learn everything there is to learn about a subject, but until we use this knowledge in the real world it's pretty worthless. Trial and error is the key. Expecting perfection right from the start will only set you back. Avoidance will only make certain situations worse. Realize where improvement can be made and keep moving forward until that problem is a distant memory. It's hard to be in a good mood when we are struggling with something, so why not take the steps necessary to overcome the struggle? Life is too short to let depression, anxiety, and addiction keep us down.
Where does strength come from when the world has given up on you? Does it come from within, a higher power, that one friend or family member that hasn't given up on you? Sometimes it's from all of the above working together, but sometimes, at your darkest hour, it's just you and God. You can have the support of family and friends all day after a loved one dies, but after the funeral is done and you are lying in bed, your spouse asleep beside you, it's still only you and your thoughts, and we all have that moment of 'hopefully God knows what I'm feeling, because apparently no one else has a clue.'
We all worship something - whether it's money, the opinions of others, the opposite sex, God, your talent, entertainment, exercise...the list goes on. But until you realize that worshiping earthly things and thinking about things in a horizontal way leads us down the same paths over and over, it's hard to move forward. If we don't see that there is a higher power, something bigger than all of this, most find they are stuck in a rut. Call it a crutch, but if this is it - the world is crap for a lot of people, for no reason at all, and with no redemption in sight.
When things are looking bleak for us we soon realize people have their own lives to live and problems to deal with. They sometimes no longer have the energy to give 3rd and 4th chances to us. You will notice after you've spent some time just conversing with God in these hours of darkness - a true 'this is who I am - what is going on?' back and forth, that sooner or later He brings helpful and, often, life-saving people into your life when you are ready for them. He might also remove those from your life that aren't good for you, at least temporarily. When you really quiet yourself and contemplate this, you'll see the miraculous in things and realize that coincidence, in no way, can account for what is happening when we are slowly being set back on our feet.
The actor Robert Downey Jr. has never claimed to be Christian, but did say that Catholicism saved his butt in jail a few times. If anyone has gone from the top to the bottom, and then back to the top (all while in the public eye) it's Robert Downey Jr. It seems that there are a lot of different ideas of what religion and God mean to Downey, depending on which article you read, but when you hit rock bottom you do realize that people and money are not the answer to all of your problems. There is something spiritual, something bigger. So while I'm on a different trajectory theologically than Downey (myself being Christian) I do see how outlooks change when a person goes from 'this is all there is' to 'there is something bigger out there that has actually saved my life'.
Robert Downey Jr. is one of the most prolific actors of our time. If you kept up with his career in the late nineties you would have thought that his days as a mainstream actor would be over. From 1996 through 2001 it was arrest after arrest for drug related charges. Just when you thought he was done with drugs for good, he would be in trouble for the same issue months later. In 1999 he told a judge, "It's like I have a shotgun in my mouth with my finger on the trigger, and I like the taste of gun metal." In other words, he knew his addiction was killing him, but he liked it too much to stop.
Downey mentioned, at one time, that he was introduced to drugs by his father at eight years old. Most of us grow up knowing what normal behavior is because of our parents, we then adapt to fit that normal. If their normal isn't what is acceptable by the rest of society we usually don't realize this until our teenage years, and what a time that can be to learn this. In order to 'fit in' with other teenagers we then have to adapt to a new normal. To make it more complicated, we are also looking for something to rebel against at this age, but how do you rebel against the family group who sees almost everything as acceptable. Your perceptions of right and wrong, good and bad, can become very skewed. This leads the rebellious teenager to go further than most would in order to experience the same rebellious testing that a normal teenager would.
On Oprah in 2004 he said of his struggle with addiction, "You can reach out for help in kind of a half-assed way and you'll get it and you won't take advantage of it. It's not that difficult to overcome these seemingly ghastly problems...what's hard is to decide to do it." There came a point where he couldn't play the game anymore. He grew up learning a craft which taught him how to be good at 'playing pretend' or essentially lying. Acting was something that gave him a lot of acclaim and accolades, but perhaps why he was able to get away with his harmful addictions for so long. It's one thing when your spouse or child comes home drunk, they tell you they aren't, but you can see right through it. But what about the spouse, child or friend that is on par with the likes of a Pacino or Brando. By the time he finishes his story you will likely be helping him get in the shower because of the pepper spray that got on him after some armed guy tried to mug him. He tells you his girlfriend sprayed the mugger, but he got some in his eyes during the struggle - and "yes, of course I'm acting strange, I was almost just killed." Needless to say, not only was addiction an issue in Downey's life, but his acting and fame probably only helped to perpetuate it.
With his past hanging over him like a cloud, there were some independent films through the late nineties and the Elton John video in 2001. He was even nominated for an Emmy after joining the cast of Ally McBeal, but it still wasn't the "larger than life/brat pack" RDJ that the world had known before. Mel Gibson gave Downey his first lead role in a film after his last stint in jail. The movie didn't do well financially but it did get Downey back to a job that he loved doing. Gibson was one of the few in Hollywood that defended Downey regularly and when Gibson started going through his own issues, Downey was quick to return the favor...
His real comeback started in 2008 with two blockbusters that put him back on the map - Tropic Thunder and Iron Man. The quick witted yet astonishingly subtle genius of Downey came out with a vengeance in both films. Both broke box office records in their own genres and Downey was nominated for Best Supporting Actor by the Academy for his role in Tropic Thunder. Coincidence or not, a lot of this success came on the heels of his marriage to film producer Susan Levin. Like I said, some people come into our lives exactly when they are supposed to. The plan is laid out but we are so wrapped up in the troubles of today we can't see it.
"There's no understanding for me of the bigger picture in real time in a hands-on way without her. Because it was the perfect, perfect, perfect matching of personalities and gifts."
How do you go from having the police called on you because you were so high you fell asleep in a stranger's house to sitting front and center at the Academy Awards? It's bursting through barriers that the world has set out for you (which are really just mirages), realizing you aren't the center of the universe, letting go of the past, and learning how to be a man.
If you watch interviews before and after his struggles you will see the transition from boy to man. Some of us have to grow up early, some of us much later, but you are thankful when it happens. It's usually only through struggle that we do learn what it is to be a man. Better to have struggled and come out stronger than to have never struggled and die like a teenager listening to Morrissey and playing Call of Duty, all the while saying woe is me as you slip into a fast food induced diabetic coma.
Being a man means you own up to your mistakes and wring every drop of wisdom you can get out of the experience. It means you go to work and do that job to the best of your ability in order to support your family. It also means you are there, no longer the guy who's always on to the next adventure, wanting to be in the spotlight. Your ego shrinks and your influence grows. When you become a man, you start to think of others more and being a husband and father gives you the opportunity for that. When you are a boy, you may mistakes, like leaving your wife and kids because of weakness or selfishness, but as a man you face things head on and you keep your promises.
This past June - Downey's son Indio was arrested for felony cocaine possession. Instead of blaming society or the other people in the car with his son, like a lot of us do in this day and age, Downey said, "Unfortunately there's a genetic component to addiction and Indio has likely inherited it. Also, there is a lot of family support and understanding, and we're all determined to rally behind him and help him become the man he's capable of being. We're grateful to the Sheriff's department for their intervention, and believe Indio can be another recovery success story instead of a cautionary tale."
So, where does that strength come from when the world has given up on you? They've counted you out and you, yourself don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Think about the years of being the butt of jokes and all of the people that counted him out the next time you see Robert Downey Jr. on a billboard in Times Square. When you see a large, beautifully crafted church that worships a man who said, "Don't take the best seat, but rather the least" - think about how this man was counted out to the point where they murdered him at 33 years old. When you see any man who's come from the pits and mire and has reclaimed his life in such a way that it is an inspiration to others, you should know that anything is possible. Look at King David. He's held up as this great king, but he wasn't perfect. He saw a woman that he wanted and sent her husband to the front lines to be killed so he could have her. How many of you have committed murder? So, if God can change David's heart and make a murderer great again, why not you? He decides who will be great and respected in this life for many different reasons. We won't all be famous actors, rich, or certainly not any type of king, but there are these little windows into 'the plan' that you can see, even in your darkest hour, if you only search for it.
When you are invited by anyone to a marriage feast, don’t sit in the best seat, since perhaps someone more honorable than you might be invited by him, and he who invited both of you would come and tell you, ‘Make room for this person.’ Then you would begin, with shame, to take the lowest place. But when you are invited, go and sit in the lowest place, so that when he who invited you comes, he may tell you, ‘Friend, move up higher.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at the table with you. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 14:7-11
" - he
suggest a low carb diet with very little fruits. There is an excerpt from his site suggesting that not only does sugar effect our brains but also the healthy carbs...
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