Would if Your Goal In Life is to Just be Happy?

I messed up by getting too specialized of an education. That's something you don't hear of too much these days with the big push for community college and how they are feeding the workforce at just as high of a rate as the four year schools, but I can't be the only one that has had this issue. My associates is in computer science/networking specialist. Yes, networking specialist sounded great at the time and there is a high demand for the position, but without experience and even if you want to start at the ground floor - good luck getting a job in this field unless you know someone or have way more skills than a two year degree can give you. These schools, while well meaning, from my experience do not prepare you to complete all of the many certifications that employers need just to give you an interview. Some colleges are just taking money and churning out graduates. If you're a good test taker then your golden. Doesn't matter if the multiple choice question doesn't make sense to you in the real world as long as you can hold it in you brain until you're done taking the test.

Maybe I'm lazy, but I feel like if I had a 4.0 while getting that degree I shouldn't have to spend hundreds on extra seminars and off campus classes to take practice tests in order to get all of the many Cisco and Microsoft certifications. Maybe my real problem is, that as interested as I was in computers when I was younger, my taste had changed and I didn't have this fire in my belly to keep working towards these goals when I was already barely making it holding down a full time job in management while going back to school. Let's just say that WHEN I WAS DONE I WAS DONE.  I guess that's why it's best to get your education as early as possible (before anyone else depends on you). Also, I was getting into theology and philosophy at the time of working towards this associate in networking and it made the classes I was taking drier than I could have imagined.

I'm glad that I went back to school, even if perhaps it was a waste. It looks a little better on my resume than the 2 previous years I'd had toward my English Literature degree before dropping out. It shows that I started and finished something.  I still wish that I would have had the wherewithal back then to finish in Literature and to maybe teach somewhere. But of course, for those that know any of my history, generalized and social anxiety created a mental torment in me at that age that did not allow me to finish school. I'm surprised that I made it in the work force. God really was with me back then, even though I didn't realize it and was usually pretty upset with him.

So without going into detail about what kind of management that I'm in now, let's just say that it's middle management. In middle management, there are days when you are simply the complaint department and there's nothing fancy about it, no matter what your title is. Yes, they are those rare days when you play boss, but it's usually passing down some punishment that you may or may not agree with. This is a far cry from my more geekier goals of working with computers and not so much dealing with politics every day, day in and day out. There is a different kind of stress between finding where a cable may have split than dealing with complaints about why you don't provide good enough insurance. As if you are the owner of this giant company and can make these kind of calls in the first place.

As you can tell, I'm not exactly thrilled about the big life decisions I've made, particularly school and work. What was I thinking? But then comes the search for meaning and purpose. What is my reason for being here? What is the meaning of all this? Am I simply to go to work just to have something to do during the day all the while keeping the wheel turning on someone else's dream? It doesn't help that when you get stuck in certain dead end jobs you are surrounded by people that also feel stuck and it's like they are treading water to pay their bills, get through life, and hopefully retire with something left in their bank accounts. Essentially, you are either surrounded with people that complain a lot or have delusions of grandeur because they listen to Zig Ziglar. Really, it's Monday and you are that thrilled to be dealing with Bubba's HR issues? There isn't anything you'd rather be doing, like watching the Price Is Right? Of course you wouldn't want to do that, you are a productive member of society who feels that if he isn't going through these mini bouts of emotional turmoil that he's not truly living. Watching an Arrested Development marathon while living off of your lottery winnings sounds like a horrible idea to you. You're one of those people that say, "If I won the lottery I'd still work." Whatever, I might spend my money on some type of "work" that I would enjoy so much it would be like play, but working for someone else? Hell no.

I saw a Ted Talk on this guy who just dropped off the grid and went to Tibet to become a Monk. You see a lot of these type of talks, but if you do some research, the majority of these people are independently wealthy. There are days when I'd love to become some type of guru recluse that only comes down the mountain to fetch his food. I'd love to have been born rich and have people cook me healthy meals all day, workout when I felt like it, travel the world, pretty much just do whatever the hell I wanted to. Screw this need to be important and be a Trump Jr. where I have to be in the family business. Just give me my share and let me be. The amount of money some people make in a year could support us very comfortably for a lifetime. That's all I need. A house, cable, food, car, nothing that fancy. More than anything material I just want to be free from other people's demands. If I do something for my wife and kids, or anyone else I care about, that's because that's what I want to do; but as far as getting up early in the morning so that I can kiss some fat cat's ass and do his bidding - it'd be great to be able to be free from that. Happiness isn't possible without freedom, even if that freedom is only in your mind.  

"This was freedom. Losing all hope was freedom." - Chuck Palahniuk

So back to the big question. What is my goal? Well, I'd love to make money off of my writing but writers are a dime a dozen and the odds on that are pretty slim, so if I had to have a plan B I would want to be a barber. A barber with a cool little old school barbershop where I can just sit  around and bullshits with customers between haircuts until finally, one day, I'm too old to hold the scissors in my arthritic hands and I lock my doors for the last time. No more late nights, no more 'boss' telling me when some report is due. Yes, I know customers can be a pain, but let's face it - cutting men's hair is a much safer environment than cutting women's. I know I'd never become rich being a barber. Just making a good wage is fine. Money is nice, but the only reason I need it is for the independence it can bring. You never see what someone did for a living on their tombstone. 

Plan C - just stick to what I'm doing until they get rid of me or I lose my mind or both. From what they say, some of the happiest people in the world are the crazy ones so maybe that's what this is all headed towards. Either that, or there is always living off the government like a growing number of people in this country seem to be doing.

50 Shades of Manipulation

I haven't read the book, but I find it very strange that we are currently celebrating the best-selling novel and soon to be movie "50 Shades of Grey" which contains violent sex, while at the same time we have football players saying 'no more' when it comes to violence against women. I'm assuming it is consensual in the book, but considering the mindset of the modern male and the growing number of them already in the hooks of porn addiction, should we really add something to our culture that makes this type of behavior not just acceptable, but fashionable? Having millions of women anxiously awaiting the premier of a movie about a handsome millionaire who's into violent sex might send the wrong message to that weird accountant who has a girlfriend who's too afraid to tell him 'no' when he talks about doing what they saw in the movie or read in the book. So, we have what appears to be consensual sex, but in her mind it isn't consensual at all. He's used the popularity of "50 Shades..." to make her feel as if it isn't that big of a deal. Sorry, but raising a daughter in a culture where so many men see women as objects is scary enough without women, themselves, making this "acceptable" in some way.

On the other hand, it usually doesn't work both ways. Remember all of the women in their 40's being Team Jacob or Team Edward during the Twilight craze? I doubt that would have worked with a bunch of forty-year-old men holding signs outside of movie theaters proclaiming their love of one teenage girl over another.

Still, are we not to think that the popularity of "50 Shades" is going to make some very strange men think - "if they like the book so much, then they must like the content"? In other words, these sickos will think that violent sex is now ok because it has made it to the mainstream and the main character Christian Grey is cool...right? I'm not saying it will cause an increase in rape, but perhaps there will be men out there who will think this is acceptable to all women just because they made a book popular? Please let me know if I'm speaking out of turn here. Being a guy I've never read the book, so for all I know he turns out to be the bad guy in the end. It just seems like male lead is being glorified for his perversions (from what I've seen so far). Sadomasochism isn't necessarily anger as much as it is fetishistic behavior, but there are some angry people out there that can use it as an outlet for their rage. Just to reiterate, my fear is that it will be expected - just like so many men now expect their girlfriends and wives to act like unnatural porn stars in the bedroom.

Corporate Assertiveness

It's just strange when you work with (mostly) overly assertive "alpha male" types in your small group and an email with the attachment below is sent out to all 13 of us. I'm with a group of about 13 corporate, middle and top, managers in our general area and I'm probably the most laid-back, humble, and stoic out of the group. I'm not lazy, but sometimes I'm (let's say) unmoved by the things that most corporate types get all excited about. Also, the fact that I don't have to be the center of attention makes me an anomaly in their world. Maybe this is some kind of training that is supposed to "help" me but the training manager thought I'd feel singled out if he just sent it to me? Or...maybe I think the world revolves around me and the email has nothing to do with me? I'm just finding it hard to believe that any of them would mark yes to any of these statements, but I've been wrong many times before.

I'd like to reply back - "Thanks, this was great info! I will make sure to put it on my Palm Pilot." Corporate psychology is at least 20 years behind from what I've experienced. The same guys who were in management in the 80's and 90's are still spreading all of their little tricks and sayings that they learned back then, not realizing that a lot of their data has turned out to be incorrect. I'm not talking about the Zig Ziglar motivational stuff they love; I'm talking about the self-esteem boosting agenda that they think will solve all of their problems when it's probably the cause of most problems in corporate America.

Believe me, I've tested this self-esteem thing out on people who claim to be full of it. You give one of these guys a compliment and their chest pokes out a little; you tell them that someone "higher up" or "important"  bragged on them and you will see them glow. At a past job, when I told another manager what the VP had said about him, he literally teared up. If they are so sure of themselves then why do these little comments make them feel so good?

If I try to stay out of toxic conversations with those who seem to thrive on toxic and narcissistic talk, does it mean that I'm avoiding them out of fear and that I lack assertiveness? No, it means that I would rather avoid the bad vibes, the headache, and the needless drama. Isn't it normal to want to save your energy for something more useful? If they have something to say to me directly then that's when I'll decide how much time and energy to spend on them in order to keep them at bay or to play the game in a way that is beneficial. Other than that, unless their attitudes change for the better, they are simply annoyances in the background - like a fly buzzing around the room.

Self-esteem is still a big deal (what is believed to be a necessary thing) in the corporate world. No matter how much research has been done to prove that self-esteem isn't this grand goal, they just keep pushing it. The corporate world would be a much better environment if they realized the problem is that there is too much self-esteem and not enough self-forgetfulness, but it doesn't make sense in a culture where having more of something is usually a good thing. That is also why it's open season on the guys or gals who don't completely fit this corporate mold. If you've seen American Psycho, you'll remember it got to the point where they got each other's names confused they were so much alike.

Some of the information below can be valid such as, "I apologize when I say no even when it is in response to unreasonable request." That is something that you'd want to avoid, along with most things on this list. You don't want to let people walk all over you but you don't want to overthink it either. Part of the email that came with this attachment said something about hesitating while talking, talking too loud, talking to soft, the tone you use....It's enough to make you self-conscious about every word that comes out of your mouth if you weren't already. If you don't care if people notice your soft tone, shaky voice, or hesitation then those things fade away but focusing so much on this stuff can make it worse.

For example, if I really thought about number 16 below and took it seriously I'd be jumping to introduce myself with my hand out at every turn because I wouldn't want anyone to think I need someone else to introduce me because 'how weak is that?' I have no problem introducing myself to someone, or introducing other people to strangers, or someone introducing themselves to me first...whatever. I really don't think it's worth putting on a list that is labelled "How Assertive Are You?" If we have to make list with this kind of stuff on it, then we're not confident and very petty. So much for high self-esteem.

Mary Jane is No Longer the Cool, Witty Girl

Believe it or not, there was a time in the nineties when Pauly Shore saying "hey buuuuddy" or "chilling with the wease" was actually funny. This was until everyone finally got sick of it and it lost its magic. There was also a time when Wayne's World and their mullets had taken the box office by storm until people had seen every angle to the humor and it too...lost it's magic. When people are ready to revisit these movies in twenty years, we will maybe have a few laughs once again. This is the way of the world, nothing last forever. If humor and interest didn't have an ebb and flow, Jerry Lewis movies would have their own 24 hour channel and our taste would never evolve. So my question is...when is the newness, hipness, or repetitive humor of smoking weed ever going to finally take a rest? When will it not be a mandatory scene in every film to have the main characters smoke weed with rap playing in the background (that makes it ironic) while talking about who the best Batman was or who was the hottest out of Betty and Wilma on the Flintstones?

Apatow - I'm afraid you have the most pull so it's got to start with you. I know that this is not an actor playing certain characters like an Austin Powers where you can just stop making Austin Powers movies when you see that people have had their fill. It's just scenes in otherwise mostly decent films, but many filmmakers are now making entire movies out of this subject with no heart or humor involved. They figure if they put someone smoking weed on the DVD cover with some reference to weed in the title that they'll have an instant hit. Sad thing is, the groupthink actually has taken hold enough for these films to do pretty well no matter how bad they are. Some filmmakers will continue to make movies about smoking weed and going for the cheap laughs, but maybe if the big names in the industry stop, then the Benson's of the world will eventually stop and then the "serious" docs will finally give it a rest for a while. I thought the scene from Transformers 2 (mom with pot brownies) would finally put an end to the madness but I guess some people still think it's hilarious.

I don't have enough interest in the subject of marijuana to watch any documentaries on the subject. I have no stance on whether it should be completely legal or not because I think that the verdict is still out on a lot of the issues that surround smoking pot in general. I do lean more toward the libertarian side of not caring what someone does in their own home as long as it's not hurting anyone else. Stoners, ALL that I'm asking is PLEASE stop flooding my Netflix Watch Instantly queue with movies about Marijuana. New Releases - Recently Added - Comedies - TV Shows - Documentaries - even Romance. There are documentaries and TV shows that try to take a serious look at its legalization (it seems like they are going to make a documentary for each state as they legalize it) and there is literally a ton of wasted time and money on stoner comedies. Growing up, we had Cheech and Chong - those movies had some humor but they weren't comedy gold that need to be imitated for generations.

People are so brainwashed into relating smoking pot with being hip and funny that all you have to do to have a mediocre stand up show in Anytown, California is stand there with your eyes half closed, a mike in your hand, and slowly say, "I smoke pot." You will get cheers and applause that will carry you through the rest of your lame show where you continue to beat on this same freaking drum until the next "cool" comedian comes on stage and talks about how much pot he smokes. You know, being that most people have enough on their plate besides caring if stoners will be able to smoke legally or not I don't see why this subject hasn't been dropped already. "Ebola, Isis and another story today from Denver about the rise in homelessness and its possible links with the growing use in marijuana." Here we go, more tax money to more people who can't hold down a job. Great, thanks mass media for making something so lame seem soooo hip.

I'm just done with it. Some marijuana users act like it's something that's actually healthy for them - because it's of the earth? Every drug is of the earth! Cocaine from the Cocoa plant, heroin from the poppy seed, nicotine from tobacco. Smoking marijuana is still bad for you no matter what kind of spin you put on it and there are side effects in all it's forms that effect different people in different ways - so saying it's completely safe is ridiculous. Maybe, and I'm not sure about this because it sure does seem to be abused, there isn't so much of an addictive quality to THC as there is with alchohol, tobacco , and other drugs. I'm no expert, but I'm sure the more people use the more we will find out , and I'm betting it won't be all sunshine and uncontrollable laughter while you still somehow manage to hold down your 6 figure job like they do in the movies.

What's the last Seth Rogen movie made where he wasn't smoking weed? And people still laugh every time! I stopped laughing when Wile E Coyote fell of that cliff, uuuh...probably the 5th time I saw it, and I was ten! What is going on? I can see some humor in it every now and then but it is NOT as COOL or FUNNY as these people think it is. Do it all you want but please stop using it for a cheap laugh because yeah, the 15 year olds in the theater might giggle but the rest of us (who aren't laughing loudly to be cool) have seen it all before and the charm has worn off. And if you're doing it so the stoners in the audience will laugh, they are already too busy laughing about the way their straw sounds in their cup so why even try?

More Pride than Superman

"To be conscious that you are ignorant is a great step to knowledge."

Benjamin Disraeli

I think that a little bit of the ranting from the last post has to do with what I'm seeing in our culture more and more lately, but also something that is pointless to be upset about. There are some little nuggets of humor and truth there that keeps me from deleting the post, but when I step back and read it impartially there are some obvious errors in this type of 'woe is me' thinking. There is some pride there - to think that if I were in another situation that I would not act like those I condemn is presumptuous.

The reason that it is pointless to become angry about the actions of others is because there is a reason for everything. Everyone, no matter how untouchable they seem, will be knocked off of their pedestal some day. When you are in the moment of being bullied or taken advantage of, it seems pointless and degrading but there is a reason for it, no matter how incomprehensible it seems. Sometimes I can have a sourness and be upset about the journey, but it really isn't healthy. We feel like we deserve better and don't have the patience to grow into who we are meant to be. It's a quick fix, almost decadent way of thinking, that our brains have adapted to in this new culture. We expect what may come easily for others to come easily for us also.

The problem is, there will always be someone more successful, better looking, luckier, and wealthier. Does this mean that they are living a better life? Not necessarily. Sometimes, people who have lives where everything comes easy to them aren't happy people at all. These are the people that will one day face some tragedy in their lives, as we all do, but not have the collected skills to cope. When I see someone who is rich and think about how great their lives must be, I try to keep in mind this quote by Roger Corless - "Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body."

Maybe, instead of complaining about the mental and physical shortcomings we may have at the moment, we should see them as opportunities. Opportunities to not only grow and prove the naysayers wrong, but also opportunities to learn valuable lessons that can help others. It is my pride that keeps me from growing. When you're full of pride, you don't learn as fast because you think you already know it all, and even if you know that you don't know it all, you certainly don't want someone else to tell you that. Instead of taking what a person is telling us as something that we can find some value in, we take it as a slight against our intelligence or work ethic even if this wasn't their intention.

I know that Man of Steel isn't the most popular of the films in the Superman franchise, but after watching it a few times, I've really gotten into the philosophy, theology and psychology of the film. It's not incredibly deep, but there is a story there that never gets old. It's the hero's journey, the powerless becoming the powerful. Not through their pride and a 'I'm going to show them'  - vengeful attitude, but through a humility that is kept in check and a selflessness that exceeds the norm.

There were some obvious references to Jesus in this film and people still find this intriguing and admirable two-thousand years later. Clark Kent is a fish out of water on this planet, raised by parents who are trying to cope with his uniqueness and trying their best to raise a boy who will someday be the most important man on the earth. Both of their births are unnatural to the planets they are born on. Clark is bullied throughout his childhood, but restrains from violence. He saves people, never to show off his power, but only because he thinks it's the right thing to do. When others notice these flashes of extraordinary abilities in his childhood, they don't know what to think of him. Jesus preaches at a young age and draws a crowd because of his supernatural knowledge.

Clark works blue collar jobs. Jesus was a carpenter. Clark finds a vessel in the snow where he can talk to his real father from Krypton, Jor-El. Jesus would go away to pray to his real Father in Heaven. Clark's father tells him the path that he his to take, which is to save mankind from General Zod who wants to set up a new kingdom on Earth. Jesus is to save mankind from Satan who would like to reign over Earth. While Clark is talking with a priest in a church, you see in the background, on a stained glass window, Jesus kneeling in the Garden of Gethsemane with what looks like a red cap across his back. In the garden, Jesus is struggling with the mission that he knows will separate him for the first time in his life from his father. He knows that he will soon be arrested. Clark is struggling with taking the leap of faith of helping mankind himself. Debating whether or not to turn himself in and let them hand him over to Zod.

Clark lets the soldiers handcuff him. It's symbolic because he could easily break free from them at anytime. Jesus lets them arrest, beat, and crucify him although he could save himself at anytime. Clark's father dies before seeing his son become the man he was meant to be and his mother is the only parent there to see his struggles and redemption. It is believed that Joseph died young also, because Mary is the only parent at the cross and at the empty tomb.

At the time of his arrest Clark says that he is 33 years old. Jesus was arrested and crucified at 33 years old. On Zod's ship Superman is reduced to a normal man, with normal powers. On the cross, Jesus is taking on the sin of the world and feels that his Father has forsaken him. When Superman breaks free from Zod and his father Jor-El tells him that he can save mankind; he leaves the ship in the same position that Jesus is in when he's on the cross saving mankind.

Superman saves soldiers that were trying to kill him earlier, because he knows that they were doing so out of fear, by orders, and out of ignorance. Jesus, while on the cross, ask forgiveness for his persecutors saying "they know not what they do." Jesus reattaches the ear of a soldier that arrested him when Peter was trying to keep them away with a sword.

Superman defeats Zod before he can make the Earth what he wants it to be, and Jesus rises from the dead putting an end to Satan's grip on the Earth. All of the fictional suffering of Superman and the real suffering of Jesus wasn't in vain.  If we think we are better than others, or that we have it all figured out then we are more prideful than Superman, and we're not following the teachings of Jesus. If we are prideful we will not win in the end.

But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves. - Luke 22:26

The most humble will be the greatest. The most prideful will be the least. Being humble isn't an excuse to fear man. Being humble does the opposite actually. If you are not full of yourself, then there is no pride for someone to prick or destroy. The humble are seen in high regard by people because of their restraint and strength. Their ability to do what is right no matter what the circumstance is admired. As humans, this comes and goes, but the longer you can remain humble the better. That is why the comments and thoughts of others about us shouldn't emotionally effect us like they do; whether they are good or bad. The good, uplifting comments shouldn't make us proud and boastful because soon their will be someone to take us down a notch. The negative comments and thoughts of others shouldn't emotionally cripple us because they don't make us who we are. They are only passing thoughts in another person's head.

You are not your mistakes. You are not your sins. The opinions of others shouldn't be able to dictate our emotional well being and the actions we take. If Jesus or Superman lost faith in humanity because of the cruelty that it showed towards them, they wouldn't have selflessly saved it - they would have vengeance on it. Doing what is right and doing what we feel are two different things.

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom. One's pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor. Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him. - Book of Proverbs

"It takes pride to be anxious - I am not wise enough to know how my life should go."- Tim Keller

When the World Gives Up on You

Where does strength come from when the world has given up on you? Does it come from within, a higher power, that one friend or family member that hasn't given up on you? Sometimes it's from all of the above working together, but sometimes, at your darkest hour, it's just you and God. You can have the support of family and friends all day after a loved one dies, but after the funeral is done and you are lying in bed, your spouse asleep beside you, it's still only you and your thoughts, and we all have that moment of 'hopefully God knows what I'm feeling, because apparently no one else has a clue.'

We all worship something - whether it's money, the opinions of others, the opposite sex, God, your talent, entertainment, exercise...the list goes on. But until you realize that worshiping earthly things and thinking about things in a horizontal way leads us down the same paths over and over, it's hard to move forward. If we don't see that there is a higher power, something bigger than all of this, most find they are stuck in a rut. Call it a crutch, but if this is it - the world is crap for a lot of people, for no reason at all, and with no redemption in sight.

When things are looking bleak for us we soon realize people have their own lives to live and problems to deal with. They sometimes no longer have the energy to give 3rd and 4th chances to us. You will notice after you've spent some time just conversing with God in these hours of darkness - a true 'this is who I am - what is going on?' back and forth, that sooner or later He brings helpful and, often, life-saving people into your life when you are ready for them. He might also remove those from your life that aren't good for you, at least temporarily. When you really quiet yourself and contemplate this, you'll see the miraculous in things and realize that coincidence, in no way, can account for what is happening when we are slowly being set back on our feet.

The actor Robert Downey Jr. has never claimed to be Christian, but did say that Catholicism saved his butt in jail a few times. If anyone has gone from the top to the bottom, and then back to the top (all while in the public eye) it's Robert Downey Jr. It seems that there are a lot of different ideas of what religion and God mean to Downey, depending on which article you read, but when you hit rock bottom you do realize that people and money are not the answer to all of your problems. There is something spiritual, something bigger. So while I'm on a different trajectory theologically than Downey (myself being Christian) I do see how outlooks change when a person goes from 'this is all there is' to 'there is something bigger out there that has actually saved my life'.

Robert Downey Jr. is one of the most prolific actors of our time. If you kept up with his career in the late nineties you would have thought that his days as a mainstream actor would be over. From 1996 through 2001 it was arrest after arrest for drug related charges. Just when you thought he was done with drugs for good, he would be in trouble for the same issue months later. In 1999 he told a judge, "It's like I have a shotgun in my mouth with my finger on the trigger, and I like the taste of gun metal." In other words, he knew his addiction was killing him, but he liked it too much to stop.

Downey mentioned, at one time, that he was introduced to drugs by his father at eight years old. Most of us grow up knowing what normal behavior is because of our parents, we then adapt to fit that normal. If their normal isn't what is acceptable by the rest of society we usually don't realize this until our teenage years, and what a time that can be to learn this. In order to 'fit in' with other teenagers we then have to adapt to a new normal. To make it more complicated, we are also looking for something to rebel against at this age, but how do you rebel against the family group who sees almost everything as acceptable. Your perceptions of right and wrong, good and bad, can become very skewed. This leads the rebellious teenager to go further than most would in order to experience the same rebellious testing that a normal teenager would.

On Oprah in 2004 he said of his struggle with addiction, "You can reach out for help in kind of a half-assed way and you'll get it and you won't take advantage of it. It's not that difficult to overcome these seemingly ghastly problems...what's hard is to decide to do it." There came a point where he couldn't play the game anymore. He grew up learning a craft which taught him how to be good at 'playing pretend' or essentially lying. Acting was something that gave him a lot of acclaim and accolades, but perhaps why he was able to get away with his harmful addictions for so long. It's one thing when your spouse or child comes home drunk, they tell you they aren't, but you can see right through it. But what about the spouse, child or friend that is on par with the likes of a Pacino or Brando. By the time he finishes his story you will likely be helping him get in the shower because of the pepper spray that got on him after some armed guy tried to mug him. He tells you his girlfriend sprayed the mugger, but he got some in his eyes during the struggle - and "yes, of course I'm acting strange, I was almost just killed." Needless to say, not only was addiction an issue in Downey's life, but his acting and fame probably only helped to perpetuate it.

With his past hanging over him like a cloud, there were some independent films through the late nineties and the Elton John video in 2001. He was even nominated for an Emmy after joining the cast of Ally McBeal, but it still wasn't the "larger than life/brat pack" RDJ that the world had known before. Mel Gibson gave Downey his first lead role in a film after his last stint in jail. The movie didn't do well financially but it did get Downey back to a job that he loved doing. Gibson was one of the few in Hollywood that defended Downey regularly and when Gibson started going through his own issues, Downey was quick to return the favor...

His real comeback started in 2008 with two blockbusters that put him back on the map - Tropic Thunder and Iron Man.  The quick witted yet astonishingly subtle genius of Downey came out with a vengeance in both films. Both broke box office records in their own genres and Downey was nominated for Best Supporting Actor by the Academy for his role in Tropic Thunder. Coincidence or not, a lot of this success came on the heels of his marriage to film producer Susan Levin. Like I said, some people come into our lives exactly when they are supposed to. The plan is laid out but we are so wrapped up in the troubles of today we can't see it. 

"There's no understanding for me of the bigger picture in real time in a hands-on way without her. Because it was the perfect, perfect, perfect matching of personalities and gifts."

How do you go from having the police called on you because you were so high you fell asleep in a stranger's house to sitting front and center at the Academy Awards? It's bursting through barriers that the world has set out for you (which are really just mirages), realizing you aren't the center of the universe, letting go of the past, and learning how to be a man.  

If you watch interviews before and after his struggles you will see the transition from boy to man. Some of us have to grow up early, some of us much later, but you are thankful when it happens. It's usually only through struggle that we do learn what it is to be a man. Better to have struggled and come out stronger than to have never struggled and die like a teenager listening to Morrissey and playing Call of Duty, all the while saying woe is me as you slip into a fast food induced diabetic coma. 

Being a man means you own up to your mistakes and wring every drop of wisdom you can get out of the experience. It means you go to work and do that job to the best of your ability in order to support your family. It also means you are there, no longer the guy who's always on to the next adventure, wanting to be in the spotlight. Your ego shrinks and your influence grows. When you become a man, you start to think of others more and being a husband and father gives you the opportunity for that. When you are a boy, you may mistakes, like leaving your wife and kids because of weakness or selfishness, but as a man you face things head on and you keep your promises. 

This past June - Downey's son Indio was arrested for felony cocaine possession. Instead of blaming society or the other people in the car with his son, like a lot of us do in this day and age, Downey said, "Unfortunately there's a genetic component to addiction and Indio has likely inherited it. Also, there is a lot of family support and understanding, and we're all determined to rally behind him and help him become the man he's capable of being. We're grateful to the Sheriff's department for their intervention, and believe Indio can be another recovery success story instead of a cautionary tale."

So, where does that strength come from when the world has given up on you? They've counted you out and you, yourself don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Think about the years of being the butt of jokes and all of the people that counted him out the next time you see Robert Downey Jr. on a billboard in Times Square. When you see a large, beautifully crafted church that worships a man who said, "Don't take the best seat, but rather the least" - think about how this man was counted out to the point where they murdered him at 33 years old. When you see any man who's come from the pits and mire and has reclaimed his life in such a way that it is an inspiration to others, you should know that anything is possible. Look at King David. He's held up as this great king, but he wasn't perfect. He saw a woman that he wanted and sent her husband to the front lines to be killed so he could have her. How many of you have committed murder? So, if God can change David's heart and make a murderer great again, why not you? He decides who will be great and respected in this life for many different reasons. We won't all be famous actors, rich, or certainly not any type of king, but there are these little windows into 'the plan' that you can see, even in your darkest hour, if you only search for it. 

When you are invited by anyone to a marriage feast, don’t sit in the best seat, since perhaps someone more honorable than you might be invited by him, and he who invited both of you would come and tell you, ‘Make room for this person.’ Then you would begin, with shame, to take the lowest place. But when you are invited, go and sit in the lowest place, so that when he who invited you comes, he may tell you, ‘Friend, move up higher.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at the table with you. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted."   Luke 14:7-11