When the World Gives Up on You

Where does strength come from when the world has given up on you? Does it come from within, a higher power, that one friend or family member that hasn't given up on you? Sometimes it's from all of the above working together, but sometimes, at your darkest hour, it's just you and God. You can have the support of family and friends all day after a loved one dies, but after the funeral is done and you are lying in bed, your spouse asleep beside you, it's still only you and your thoughts, and we all have that moment of 'hopefully God knows what I'm feeling, because apparently no one else has a clue.'

We all worship something - whether it's money, the opinions of others, the opposite sex, God, your talent, entertainment, exercise...the list goes on. But until you realize that worshiping earthly things and thinking about things in a horizontal way leads us down the same paths over and over, it's hard to move forward. If we don't see that there is a higher power, something bigger than all of this, most find they are stuck in a rut. Call it a crutch, but if this is it - the world is crap for a lot of people, for no reason at all, and with no redemption in sight.

When things are looking bleak for us we soon realize people have their own lives to live and problems to deal with. They sometimes no longer have the energy to give 3rd and 4th chances to us. You will notice after you've spent some time just conversing with God in these hours of darkness - a true 'this is who I am - what is going on?' back and forth, that sooner or later He brings helpful and, often, life-saving people into your life when you are ready for them. He might also remove those from your life that aren't good for you, at least temporarily. When you really quiet yourself and contemplate this, you'll see the miraculous in things and realize that coincidence, in no way, can account for what is happening when we are slowly being set back on our feet.

The actor Robert Downey Jr. has never claimed to be Christian, but did say that Catholicism saved his butt in jail a few times. If anyone has gone from the top to the bottom, and then back to the top (all while in the public eye) it's Robert Downey Jr. It seems that there are a lot of different ideas of what religion and God mean to Downey, depending on which article you read, but when you hit rock bottom you do realize that people and money are not the answer to all of your problems. There is something spiritual, something bigger. So while I'm on a different trajectory theologically than Downey (myself being Christian) I do see how outlooks change when a person goes from 'this is all there is' to 'there is something bigger out there that has actually saved my life'.

Robert Downey Jr. is one of the most prolific actors of our time. If you kept up with his career in the late nineties you would have thought that his days as a mainstream actor would be over. From 1996 through 2001 it was arrest after arrest for drug related charges. Just when you thought he was done with drugs for good, he would be in trouble for the same issue months later. In 1999 he told a judge, "It's like I have a shotgun in my mouth with my finger on the trigger, and I like the taste of gun metal." In other words, he knew his addiction was killing him, but he liked it too much to stop.

Downey mentioned, at one time, that he was introduced to drugs by his father at eight years old. Most of us grow up knowing what normal behavior is because of our parents, we then adapt to fit that normal. If their normal isn't what is acceptable by the rest of society we usually don't realize this until our teenage years, and what a time that can be to learn this. In order to 'fit in' with other teenagers we then have to adapt to a new normal. To make it more complicated, we are also looking for something to rebel against at this age, but how do you rebel against the family group who sees almost everything as acceptable. Your perceptions of right and wrong, good and bad, can become very skewed. This leads the rebellious teenager to go further than most would in order to experience the same rebellious testing that a normal teenager would.

On Oprah in 2004 he said of his struggle with addiction, "You can reach out for help in kind of a half-assed way and you'll get it and you won't take advantage of it. It's not that difficult to overcome these seemingly ghastly problems...what's hard is to decide to do it." There came a point where he couldn't play the game anymore. He grew up learning a craft which taught him how to be good at 'playing pretend' or essentially lying. Acting was something that gave him a lot of acclaim and accolades, but perhaps why he was able to get away with his harmful addictions for so long. It's one thing when your spouse or child comes home drunk, they tell you they aren't, but you can see right through it. But what about the spouse, child or friend that is on par with the likes of a Pacino or Brando. By the time he finishes his story you will likely be helping him get in the shower because of the pepper spray that got on him after some armed guy tried to mug him. He tells you his girlfriend sprayed the mugger, but he got some in his eyes during the struggle - and "yes, of course I'm acting strange, I was almost just killed." Needless to say, not only was addiction an issue in Downey's life, but his acting and fame probably only helped to perpetuate it.

With his past hanging over him like a cloud, there were some independent films through the late nineties and the Elton John video in 2001. He was even nominated for an Emmy after joining the cast of Ally McBeal, but it still wasn't the "larger than life/brat pack" RDJ that the world had known before. Mel Gibson gave Downey his first lead role in a film after his last stint in jail. The movie didn't do well financially but it did get Downey back to a job that he loved doing. Gibson was one of the few in Hollywood that defended Downey regularly and when Gibson started going through his own issues, Downey was quick to return the favor...

His real comeback started in 2008 with two blockbusters that put him back on the map - Tropic Thunder and Iron Man.  The quick witted yet astonishingly subtle genius of Downey came out with a vengeance in both films. Both broke box office records in their own genres and Downey was nominated for Best Supporting Actor by the Academy for his role in Tropic Thunder. Coincidence or not, a lot of this success came on the heels of his marriage to film producer Susan Levin. Like I said, some people come into our lives exactly when they are supposed to. The plan is laid out but we are so wrapped up in the troubles of today we can't see it. 

"There's no understanding for me of the bigger picture in real time in a hands-on way without her. Because it was the perfect, perfect, perfect matching of personalities and gifts."

How do you go from having the police called on you because you were so high you fell asleep in a stranger's house to sitting front and center at the Academy Awards? It's bursting through barriers that the world has set out for you (which are really just mirages), realizing you aren't the center of the universe, letting go of the past, and learning how to be a man.  

If you watch interviews before and after his struggles you will see the transition from boy to man. Some of us have to grow up early, some of us much later, but you are thankful when it happens. It's usually only through struggle that we do learn what it is to be a man. Better to have struggled and come out stronger than to have never struggled and die like a teenager listening to Morrissey and playing Call of Duty, all the while saying woe is me as you slip into a fast food induced diabetic coma. 

Being a man means you own up to your mistakes and wring every drop of wisdom you can get out of the experience. It means you go to work and do that job to the best of your ability in order to support your family. It also means you are there, no longer the guy who's always on to the next adventure, wanting to be in the spotlight. Your ego shrinks and your influence grows. When you become a man, you start to think of others more and being a husband and father gives you the opportunity for that. When you are a boy, you may mistakes, like leaving your wife and kids because of weakness or selfishness, but as a man you face things head on and you keep your promises. 

This past June - Downey's son Indio was arrested for felony cocaine possession. Instead of blaming society or the other people in the car with his son, like a lot of us do in this day and age, Downey said, "Unfortunately there's a genetic component to addiction and Indio has likely inherited it. Also, there is a lot of family support and understanding, and we're all determined to rally behind him and help him become the man he's capable of being. We're grateful to the Sheriff's department for their intervention, and believe Indio can be another recovery success story instead of a cautionary tale."

So, where does that strength come from when the world has given up on you? They've counted you out and you, yourself don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Think about the years of being the butt of jokes and all of the people that counted him out the next time you see Robert Downey Jr. on a billboard in Times Square. When you see a large, beautifully crafted church that worships a man who said, "Don't take the best seat, but rather the least" - think about how this man was counted out to the point where they murdered him at 33 years old. When you see any man who's come from the pits and mire and has reclaimed his life in such a way that it is an inspiration to others, you should know that anything is possible. Look at King David. He's held up as this great king, but he wasn't perfect. He saw a woman that he wanted and sent her husband to the front lines to be killed so he could have her. How many of you have committed murder? So, if God can change David's heart and make a murderer great again, why not you? He decides who will be great and respected in this life for many different reasons. We won't all be famous actors, rich, or certainly not any type of king, but there are these little windows into 'the plan' that you can see, even in your darkest hour, if you only search for it. 

When you are invited by anyone to a marriage feast, don’t sit in the best seat, since perhaps someone more honorable than you might be invited by him, and he who invited both of you would come and tell you, ‘Make room for this person.’ Then you would begin, with shame, to take the lowest place. But when you are invited, go and sit in the lowest place, so that when he who invited you comes, he may tell you, ‘Friend, move up higher.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at the table with you. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted."   Luke 14:7-11