I'm thinking that my aversion to public speaking has something to do with making a big deal out of every little mistake I make and every little thing that people do in my audience (no matter how large or small). I have some meetings today where I'm sharing the lead role as presenter with another co-worker and so far, so good. I think starting small is a good thing. Start with a small group, get comfortable speaking in front of them and go from there. If you must, like I did, you can even start from scratch - be the one who volunteers to read a paragraph out loud etc. Someone who is a perfectionist tends to put their self-worth on how good they are seen by others. If a speaking engagement goes badly then I must be a weak and horrible person who has no place in society? Where did I get that? Maybe it's from holding on to crap that happened in school at those moments when big deals were made out of truly petty situations.
Breathing and attitude has a lot to do with how your presentation will go also. If you are making it into something besides communicating with other humans (in essence, holding a conversation with several people instead on one person) then you can overthink it. You can make it to where you feel as if you mispronounce a word, or have a moment where you can't think of the right word - instead of laughing it off, you turn it into a big deal and start the negative self talk which does you no good. I've been down that dead end road too many times.
I've had some cases where I can see someone leaning in to talk to the person next to them and I assume they are talking about me whether they are or not. Actually, it should make no difference but it still registers. I've even have had a few, that after they hear what this whisperer is saying to them, actual laugh out loud. Loud enough for everyone to hear (like it was just soooo funny). I think I'm going to start calling these people out like they are in the second grade and ask them if they have anything they'd like to share because it is very childish. Usually, these loud mouths aren't so brave when they are put on the spot. It's usually because of their on self-consciousness and feelings of insecurity that they do this kind of stuff. They want to draw this limited amount of attention to themselves (look at me, I'm cool and better), but not so much attention that the tables could turn on them. Maybe everyone else can see right through them anyway and I should just let them make fools of themselves. Maybe it's OCD and wanting everything to go perfect that causes this to be a bigger deal than it should. If you don't care, then maybe they can tell you don't care and it makes them feel even dumber than if you were to call them out on it. You see? That's why it's good to write and keep a journal - so you can work this kind of stuff out.
Being the leader you can control the relaxedness or tenseness of the environment. So if you decide that an open conversation with someone in the audience will calm yourself and show the audience some naturalness then you might start with that. You might bring so food and drinks for them to snack on (and make noise with) to take all of the focus off of yourself. I'm really thankful right now that I'm in a position where things can be taking slowly instead of having my boss tell me that I will be speaking at a convention next week with a thousand people. I know that I've written about this before and that I can be pretty dramatic but today (for some reason) the drama has lessened and I'm seeing more people that are like me, would rather avoid speaking in public if they have to, but are adult about listening to what I have to say without judgement. Maybe I've been around the wrong people for too long? People that see someone is uncomfortable and take advantage of that situation to make themselves feel better are people that I've dealt with before but (like I've said before) the less I care about trying to be perfect or not show any signs of nervousness while public speaking then the less I will have these traits when I've the center of attention. It's similar to that Aurelius quote I've worn out - "reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears."
Of note:
This little trick has worked pretty well for me before public speaking...
Rikk Wilde - look him up on YouTube if the link is already taken down. I wouldn't say to watch this for laughs like some jerks do, but to read the comments. You will see that you are not alone in this whole public speaking thing. The poor guy has millions of hits on YouTube but people are really defending him because they know how he feels. There is an empathy there that you don't get with a lot of other subjects. There is a reason this video is out there and I don't think it's because people are enjoying watching someone suffer.
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