I messed up by getting too specialized of an education. That's something you don't hear of too much these days with the big push for community college and how they are feeding the workforce at just as high of a rate as the four year schools, but I can't be the only one that has had this issue. My associates is in computer science/networking specialist. Yes, networking specialist sounded great at the time and there is a high demand for the position, but without experience and even if you want to start at the ground floor - good luck getting a job in this field unless you know someone or have way more skills than a two year degree can give you. These schools, while well meaning, from my experience do not prepare you to complete all of the many certifications that employers need just to give you an interview. Some colleges are just taking money and churning out graduates. If you're a good test taker then your golden. Doesn't matter if the multiple choice question doesn't make sense to you in the real world as long as you can hold it in you brain until you're done taking the test.
Maybe I'm lazy, but I feel like if I had a 4.0 while getting that degree I shouldn't have to spend hundreds on extra seminars and off campus classes to take practice tests in order to get all of the many Cisco and Microsoft certifications. Maybe my real problem is, that as interested as I was in computers when I was younger, my taste had changed and I didn't have this fire in my belly to keep working towards these goals when I was already barely making it holding down a full time job in management while going back to school. Let's just say that WHEN I WAS DONE I WAS DONE. I guess that's why it's best to get your education as early as possible (before anyone else depends on you). Also, I was getting into theology and philosophy at the time of working towards this associate in networking and it made the classes I was taking drier than I could have imagined.
I'm glad that I went back to school, even if perhaps it was a waste. It looks a little better on my resume than the 2 previous years I'd had toward my English Literature degree before dropping out. It shows that I started and finished something. I still wish that I would have had the wherewithal back then to finish in Literature and to maybe teach somewhere. But of course, for those that know any of my history, generalized and social anxiety created a mental torment in me at that age that did not allow me to finish school. I'm surprised that I made it in the work force. God really was with me back then, even though I didn't realize it and was usually pretty upset with him.
So without going into detail about what kind of management that I'm in now, let's just say that it's middle management. In middle management, there are days when you are simply the complaint department and there's nothing fancy about it, no matter what your title is. Yes, they are those rare days when you play boss, but it's usually passing down some punishment that you may or may not agree with. This is a far cry from my more geekier goals of working with computers and not so much dealing with politics every day, day in and day out. There is a different kind of stress between finding where a cable may have split than dealing with complaints about why you don't provide good enough insurance. As if you are the owner of this giant company and can make these kind of calls in the first place.
As you can tell, I'm not exactly thrilled about the big life decisions I've made, particularly school and work. What was I thinking? But then comes the search for meaning and purpose. What is my reason for being here? What is the meaning of all this? Am I simply to go to work just to have something to do during the day all the while keeping the wheel turning on someone else's dream? It doesn't help that when you get stuck in certain dead end jobs you are surrounded by people that also feel stuck and it's like they are treading water to pay their bills, get through life, and hopefully retire with something left in their bank accounts. Essentially, you are either surrounded with people that complain a lot or have delusions of grandeur because they listen to Zig Ziglar. Really, it's Monday and you are that thrilled to be dealing with Bubba's HR issues? There isn't anything you'd rather be doing, like watching the Price Is Right? Of course you wouldn't want to do that, you are a productive member of society who feels that if he isn't going through these mini bouts of emotional turmoil that he's not truly living. Watching an Arrested Development marathon while living off of your lottery winnings sounds like a horrible idea to you. You're one of those people that say, "If I won the lottery I'd still work." Whatever, I might spend my money on some type of "work" that I would enjoy so much it would be like play, but working for someone else? Hell no.
I saw a Ted Talk on this guy who just dropped off the grid and went to Tibet to become a Monk. You see a lot of these type of talks, but if you do some research, the majority of these people are independently wealthy. There are days when I'd love to become some type of guru recluse that only comes down the mountain to fetch his food. I'd love to have been born rich and have people cook me healthy meals all day, workout when I felt like it, travel the world, pretty much just do whatever the hell I wanted to. Screw this need to be important and be a Trump Jr. where I have to be in the family business. Just give me my share and let me be. The amount of money some people make in a year could support us very comfortably for a lifetime. That's all I need. A house, cable, food, car, nothing that fancy. More than anything material I just want to be free from other people's demands. If I do something for my wife and kids, or anyone else I care about, that's because that's what I want to do; but as far as getting up early in the morning so that I can kiss some fat cat's ass and do his bidding - it'd be great to be able to be free from that. Happiness isn't possible without freedom, even if that freedom is only in your mind.
"This was freedom. Losing all hope was freedom." - Chuck Palahniuk
So back to the big question. What is my goal? Well, I'd love to make money off of my writing but writers are a dime a dozen and the odds on that are pretty slim, so if I had to have a plan B I would want to be a barber. A barber with a cool little old school barbershop where I can just sit around and bullshits with customers between haircuts until finally, one day, I'm too old to hold the scissors in my arthritic hands and I lock my doors for the last time. No more late nights, no more 'boss' telling me when some report is due. Yes, I know customers can be a pain, but let's face it - cutting men's hair is a much safer environment than cutting women's. I know I'd never become rich being a barber. Just making a good wage is fine. Money is nice, but the only reason I need it is for the independence it can bring. You never see what someone did for a living on their tombstone.
Plan C - just stick to what I'm doing until they get rid of me or I lose my mind or both. From what they say, some of the happiest people in the world are the crazy ones so maybe that's what this is all headed towards. Either that, or there is always living off the government like a growing number of people in this country seem to be doing.
