A Pure Freedom

One of the greatest freedoms that we can attain is to be free from worrying about the opinions of others. It's not a freedom from responsibility, a financial freedom, or a freedom from anything physical like prison. It's a mental freedom that few in this world have. No matter what your situation, it is a freedom that can still be attained. It's to truly not care what anyone thinks of you. A lot of what we fear in this life stems from this issue. On the list of fears that people have, the fear of public speaking ranks higher than death. So, though there are other things that we fear in this life, the fear of rejection from our fellow man is the biggie.

Now, there are questions that I sometimes mull over about this subject. How would society handle it if people really had this freedom? Would the crime rate skyrocket? Would marriages and other relationships fall apart? Would people stop wearing clothes and taking care of themselves? Is there a consequence in truly not caring what others think about us (whether it be good or bad) that would keep people from caring for others?

If people lost the fear of looking bad in front of others and the need for the approval, would they be less likely to donate to charity, feed the hungry, or care for the elderly and sick? This could happen to a very small extent, at least at first. Most of us do good without the need of a plaque showing how much we donated or a pat on the back from our friends, but there are some that wouldn't donate to a charity if it didn't further their popularity or influence in some way. Of course, there are some that do good and accolades are the result without them asking for it, but there are some that will talk for hours about the good they do (how they are saving the environment by driving a Prius, how they bring groceries to the needy every weekend, or how much they donated to some charity). It is much better for others to brag on you, without you ever knowing it, than for you to brag on yourself and hear the approval first-hand. You see a lot of politicians running for office making a show of their good deeds.

“Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others." - Matthew 6:2

Will people still do good without the praise of others? Of course, it happens everyday. People who help others without boasting about it find it even more satisfying, so this will continue. People who leave giant tips don't hang around to see if the waiter or waitress will thank them. They leave the restaurant feeling good for having done a random act of kindness without needing the ego boost of someone telling them how great they are. So, that means to truly not care what others think will not put a halt to the goodness that is done, but may even make it more likely due to a lack of feeling like they have to compete with others. There can be a sense of why try if you are comparing your donations and time to the likes Bill Gates and Bono. But if you're not doing it for kudos or out of competitiveness then you will still give what you can, no matter how meager. A lot of charities take advantage of our competitive nature and it works for them, at least until the next new fad or hip cause comes along.

The ice bucket challenge to help raise money for ALS is a good thing and has raised a ton of money, but there is an element of 'look at me' to it. It just depends on that individual's personal agenda. Celebrities could just as well give a few million without posting a video. If they are posting a video of themselves being doused with ice water to further the cause, that's great. If they're doing it to be on TV and don't even donate, then it's not helping anyone or anything but their image. How it helps their image I don't know - it's really not as funny as they think it is. But hey, whatever works, if you can make money for a good cause by giving celebrities a way to boost their hits on YouTube, then go for it. Use their need for approval.

Will the crime rate get worse if people truly don't care about what other people think? I would never advocate something that would cause a societal breakdown. Like I mentioned before, truly not caring about the opinions of others doesn't mean that you have to become a bad person who doesn't care about the well being of the people around them or society as a whole. Shame and embarrassment, being of the same ilk are still two different things. Being a logical person means that you still feel guilt and shame when you do something that you know is wrong. Not caring about the petty thoughts that people have of your looks or how you talk etc. doesn't mean that you will lose any moral standards that you'd set for yourself. It means that you can rationally understand that what flashes through another person's mind should have no effect on your well being.

Greatness cannot be achieved if you've pleased everyone. If even those who do evil respect you then you are doing something wrong. If you get a call from someone asking you to do a robbery with them, you wouldn't say yes so that you don't upset them. You look at the big picture and what's best for the whole. So, knowing that you can't please everyone, you don't go to England and speak with an English accent just in case they don't like Americans, you don't start gossip because someone you know at work likes to gossip etc. This is already something that we know. We aren't going to be liked and praised by all. So you do the right thing, you're kind, you forgive. You already do these things even though it's not always the popular thing to do, so how would the world go into chaos or how would crime be out of control if we stopped caring what other's think about us?

If you're a good person, not caring about what others think is a good thing, but what about the people that are just bad? The ones who only do what is right so that they don't get in trouble or only do what is admirable so that they will look good to others? These are the same people that would rob a bank if they knew they wouldn't get caught. This is the same boss that would call you every name in the book if he knew that he wouldn't lose his job over it. These are the same teenagers who join gangs to fit in. These people are kept in check by the rules and laws of society whether they care what other people think about them or not. Not caring what others think doesn't mean that we throw out law and the enforcement of it. Not caring what others think means that we can be free from these people that mean to do harm and perhaps help them to truly change. They will no longer effect our moods like they once did so we will be able to see the weakness in their actions like never before.

We would also be more likely to stand up against these bullies. So many join the oppressors of the world because they are simply pick the side with the most people, the side that will make sure their job is secure, or where they feel the most accepted. If people stopped feeling the need to fit in, they would be more likely to fight for what is right even if it's much "cooler" to be on the wrong side. If people truly stopped caring what others think about them, how many would be less likely to drink and drive, join a cult, pick fights because someone hurt their pride? When you can truly think for yourself, you will find that people will be attracted to this quality of being independent from the opinions and talk of others and they will join you. You don't even have to return evil for evil, just the fact that you did what was right without caring what others thought makes you different, a potential leader, and even more approachable. Losing the fear of not fitting in would most likely lower the crime rate.

If people truly stopped caring what others thought of them would they be more or less likely to do things that are just plain dumb, but not illegal? This is the trickiest one because we are going back to character here, but without the bigger consequences like imprisonment. For instance, to truly not care what anyone thinks would you be more or less likely to cheat on your spouse? For some, maybe this would happen, but given the opportunity they would have done so with or without the fear of other people's opinions. If you care about your spouse you will be less likely to cheat, no matter how tempting it may be. Like I said earlier, feeling shame and guilt for doing something wrong isn't the same thing as caring about what other people think about you as a person. To not be swayed by the thoughts of others might even make you less likely to cheat because you will not feel trapped in your relationship or be told by someone that you can do better and believe it without question. You won't be made to feel "special" by the potential man or woman that is trying to pull you out of your marriage because you are secure in yourself and what your principles are. To be made to feel "special" can be used to make you do a lot of things that you know you shouldn't do. This is why it's important to not be moved by good or bad opinions.

The real question is, how much do you care for other people? This is not the same thing as not caring what their opinion of you is. You can still care for other people without caring what people think of you? We all want our kids to respect us, but sometimes we have to be the bad guy in order to protect them. Being popular is not the priority if you want what's best for your children and most parents know this. In the end, most children respect good parents, even if it takes years. However, how much respect will they have for the parents that wanted their approval when they were young and by doing so let them make horrible decisions in their youth?

A lot of how we care about people comes from our ability to set a good example. If you care for your kids, you won't dance on a table in a restaurant while everyone looks on in horror. To restrain yourself from doing this doesn't mean you are repressed by the societal norm or that you are too worried about what other people think - it means that you are not a psychopath. To have no impulse control isn't the same as the mental capacity of not being afraid of people's thoughts and what they might say about us.

We learn that it's not okay to do whatever we feel like doing by the age of three or four. Sometimes a teacher or parent may go too far and we wind end feeling stupid for simply dropping our spoon, but as far as just doing what is unacceptable in the culture that you live in - whether it's legal or not, we do these things to keep the peace and to treat others how we would like to be treated. So, if your in some strange restaurant that encourages people to dance on the table, go for it if you feel inclined but it doesn't mean that you have reached some new level of consciousness where you're unable to feel embarrassment. If the consequence is that your family is embarrassed by your actions, and these actions were out of line, then you're in the wrong. If they are embarrassed by your actions, but these actions were something that was right (like sticking up for someone you see being bullied) let them be embarrassed.

"How are we constituted by Nature? To be free, to be noble, to be modest (for what other living thing is capable of blushing, or of feeling the impression of shame?)" - Epictetus

You still do what is right and care for other people (not on behalf of receiving praise, because sometimes you will be berated for doing so, but for the responsibility you have to yourself and others). You do what is right because you have the gift of being able to step back and truly be free to choose what the best course of action is without the negative signals or prodding from others. If blaring "The Imperial March" every time your boss walks into the room will get you fired, doing what's best for yourself and your family would probably be not to blare it, no matter how fun it would be. Not caring what other's think doesn't mean that you stop caring for other people or disregard what God expects you to do while you're here. Is there a selfishness to not caring about the opinions of others? No. It's more of a selflessness. It means you're not thinking about yourself all of the time. When you can let go of people's opinions, gossip and the fear of backlash, then you can truly make a difference in the world.

Will it piss some people off that you don't care what they think and that they can no longer control you? Yes, most likely it will piss some people off, but what do you care? The people that care about you for who you are will be there regardless. This doesn't mean you don't have to show up for work or pay your taxes. It means that you're not going to be a follower and go out to a bar every night with co-workers because that's what they do. It means you don't change the way you talk depending on the group you are with at the time. It means that you can read your Bible at a Starbucks without fearing that people will think you're self-righteous. It means that people can't control who you are and what you're goals are. It means they can't make you feel dumb when you ask a question, they can't make you fear their rejection, and they can't get away with talking down to you like they used to because they can tell in your tone that it's no longer effective.