People Pleasing

I've been on a YouTube kick lately, subscribing to different channels that cover different topics. I've found that there are many channels that address the subject of narcissism and dealing with people who are narcissistic. I never knew that this was such an issue and that people had actually been looking for ways to cope and escape this personality trait to the point where they have (kind of) joined forces. They have "no contact" rules etc. Sometimes it seems that the people commenting on these videos have a tendency to label everyone a narcissist, but there are some interesting discussions nonetheless.

The video below is from spartanlifecoach. He's not one of those channels that only deals with narcissism, but I found a video that dealt with people pleasing and it's relation to people that would take advantage of this personality trait (mainly the narcissistic type).

Something he said that made me watch the video in its (30 minute) entirety was - "There are certain, very common personality traits that make you wide open to exploitation. You are going to be very fearful of engaging in verbal conflict and you are going to attract people to you that will want to engage you in verbal conflict. These same people will be attracted to you for the same reasons to target you for crime." This really hit home because, while I've never been mugged, I have noticed that I'm approached by sales people, hustlers, and the homeless in a much more aggressive way than I see them approach others. Not always, but just yesterday I noticed this specifically because a woman that approached me in a parking lot and said, "I just need money for food," had the opportunity to go up to a couple about thirty feet away from me after I told her I didn't carry cash, but as she was approaching them she veered around them and kept walking. So, while she wasn't a criminal or rude in this instance - what was it about me that made me seem approachable to ask this of and not the other people? Is being approachable not always a good thing like you often hear it said?

Like I said, this wasn't the only time that I noticed that I'm being picked out of a crowd to have a sales pitch thrown at me or for some NOLA shoe shiner to target me for a hustle. I've noticed that these occasions have decreased as I've gotten older and a bit more confident but sometimes there is still this assumption about me being a sucker, which as he says in the video, can open me up to a criminal element as well as just plain being taken advantage of. People pleasing is something that many of us are guilty of and it is good to be a nice person. I guess we just have to know where to draw the line for our own well being.