I'd like to reply back - "Thanks, this was great info! I will make sure to put it on my Palm Pilot." Corporate psychology is at least 20 years behind from what I've experienced. The same guys who were in management in the 80's and 90's are still spreading all of their little tricks and sayings that they learned back then, not realizing that a lot of their data has turned out to be incorrect. I'm not talking about the Zig Ziglar motivational stuff they love; I'm talking about the self-esteem boosting agenda that they think will solve all of their problems when it's probably the cause of most problems in corporate America.
Believe me, I've tested this self-esteem thing out on people who claim to be full of it. You give one of these guys a compliment and their chest pokes out a little; you tell them that someone "higher up" or "important" bragged on them and you will see them glow. At a past job, when I told another manager what the VP had said about him, he literally teared up. If they are so sure of themselves then why do these little comments make them feel so good?
If I try to stay out of toxic conversations with those who seem to thrive on toxic and narcissistic talk, does it mean that I'm avoiding them out of fear and that I lack assertiveness? No, it means that I would rather avoid the bad vibes, the headache, and the needless drama. Isn't it normal to want to save your energy for something more useful? If they have something to say to me directly then that's when I'll decide how much time and energy to spend on them in order to keep them at bay or to play the game in a way that is beneficial. Other than that, unless their attitudes change for the better, they are simply annoyances in the background - like a fly buzzing around the room.
Self-esteem is still a big deal (what is believed to be a necessary thing) in the corporate world. No matter how much research has been done to prove that self-esteem isn't this grand goal, they just keep pushing it. The corporate world would be a much better environment if they realized the problem is that there is too much self-esteem and not enough self-forgetfulness, but it doesn't make sense in a culture where having more of something is usually a good thing. That is also why it's open season on the guys or gals who don't completely fit this corporate mold. If you've seen American Psycho, you'll remember it got to the point where they got each other's names confused they were so much alike.
Some of the information below can be valid such as, "I apologize when I say no even when it is in response to unreasonable request." That is something that you'd want to avoid, along with most things on this list. You don't want to let people walk all over you but you don't want to overthink it either. Part of the email that came with this attachment said something about hesitating while talking, talking too loud, talking to soft, the tone you use....It's enough to make you self-conscious about every word that comes out of your mouth if you weren't already. If you don't care if people notice your soft tone, shaky voice, or hesitation then those things fade away but focusing so much on this stuff can make it worse.
For example, if I really thought about number 16 below and took it seriously I'd be jumping to introduce myself with my hand out at every turn because I wouldn't want anyone to think I need someone else to introduce me because 'how weak is that?' I have no problem introducing myself to someone, or introducing other people to strangers, or someone introducing themselves to me first...whatever. I really don't think it's worth putting on a list that is labelled "How Assertive Are You?" If we have to make list with this kind of stuff on it, then we're not confident and very petty. So much for high self-esteem.
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