Riding out the Storm

Louis C.K. has hit upon something here that I think about from time to time, especially as I get older and technology gets more and more advanced. Here's a typical day for me - go to work, then go home and anesthetize myself with TV, food, beer, or video games. Sometimes it's all of the above.

It's so much easier to lay on the couch, watch True Detective and listen to Rust Cohle get existential about the problems of the world and fight with his personal demons than it is for me to do so. It's so much easier to immediately numb that knot in my stomach about some issue or generalized anxiety with a plate of nachos or a bowl of ice cream even though I've already eaten supper. It's so much easier to grab a beer when someone is coming over than it is to be present and social without liquid courage. It's so much easier to upload Kelly Slater's face on Madden 25 as the quarterback of the Jacksonville Jaguars and pretend I'm not me for a while. For a few hours I'm a quarterback fresh out of college who has to bring a team out of despair to the heights of a new football dynasty. Even imagining as I play the game what this fictional quarterback (who's had many names) will be saying in a press conference after the game - "Yeah, we are making advances, one game at a time. This might surprise you but I think we will be in the playoffs." Of course, I've got it set to where I can easily make it to the playoffs. I don't trust myself with a game like WOW. I've heard so much about people losing themselves in this game that I won't even try it.

What does happen on the rare occasion when I don't use something outside of myself for comfort, some idol? Do I lose my mind and have to be committed? No. I make it through and from past experience the next evening it's a little easier, and then the next night a little easier. The mind adapts somehow. It fights the negative thoughts and worries off with more positive ones. Instead of laying in bed at night watching another episode of The Killing I will break out the Kindle and read some Marcus Aurelius or Tim Keller and fall asleep a little quicker. I wake up and start my day just like I would have if I had numbed myself with food, drink, and entertainment the evening before. I'm going to wake up with a little anxiety anyway so why get fat and boring to control something that cannot be controlled unless it's faced. Do I really want my wife and kids to remember the dad who had a Coors Light beside him while he played video games or the dad that was talking with them about the latest book they read?

Like the video, these uncomfortable feelings don't last forever. They go away just like everything else. None of us live forever but we act like it when we waste our time with things that have no benefit to our intellect or soul. As I get more into the philosophers I find that talking about our mortality isn't such a morbid subject but one that motivates us to live in the present, good or bad. There is a lesson to be learned somewhere in those uncomfortable feelings. Something that isn't quite right that must be sorted out, but we can't sort it out until we face it. Deep down we all know these truths but sometimes we have to be reminded before we create an addiction or problem that is much greater than the feelings we were trying to avoid. Tonight I will pay close attention to those urges to numb myself and see if I can ride out this small storm for a change. No storm last forever, the sun always comes back out.